OUR NEED FOR VALIDATION IS CUTTING US OFF FROM AN AUTHENTIC LIFE

I keep thinking what a flower needs for blooming. Sunlight, water and good soils with nutrients.

When the circumstances are right, the opening just happens organically and within both an irresistible and irreversible mood.

This reminds me of what occurs when get a safe and solid ground to do the inside throughout work.

We emerge into life with both genuineness and talent to organically give and receive at the same time.

Courage is the source for remaining connected. It takes guts to stay awake in life. It takes maturity to allow ourselves to be seen as human beings in our own voice and expression.

The authentic life is about desirably willing to know belonging and thus working for it. Nothing of this does require us to stay small, comfortable and to never risk it. On the contrary, there is a lot of work to be done to open up to our light and to embrace it fiercely like fire to the wood.

Learning to show up diminishes the expectations we constantly hold from life. We are less in our heads and more in the flow of being human and embracing our flaws without shame. We do have the knowingness that wholeness is not a matter of perfection but a one of accepting all parts which make us: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Is only fear which keeps us unconsciously stuck. We may not even be aware of our neediness for others to give us permission to be as who we are.

We all have been there. When we were kids and our parents or teachers did not give us the needed approval. The hurt felt like a thorn stinging our young skins.

I remember there was a time in my life when I did not want to go to church anymore. I was already in my teens and I started to have my own mindset. My father was terribly upset and wanted me to succumb to his saying not matter what. His remorse lasted for as long as I remember now.

I wished he could have told me that it was ok to follow my will. That I was still a good girl regardless my own outgrowing decisions.

But I never got that approval and I did spend most of my adult life yearning for an outside permission to feel I was both virtous and worthy enough to shine out.

Many of us carry this heavy weight which does not let us grow upwards. The fear to be seen, the fear to speak our own voice, the fear of abandonment, the fear of imperfection and the fear of trusting. Different but same, same. These are all traces of a buried seed which is crying for help and some empowering watering.

“ Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else “. — Maya Angelou

The fact that we live in societies in which we value performance over authenticity can make us feel unsafe to stand up as who we truly are.

As women, many of us grow up with the mindset that the only way to be valuable enough is by exhausting our own selves by only giving. Our cultural backgrounds are filled with examples of what is like to be good, in service, pleasant and kind with others but what about with our own selves ?

I get it. Is scary to defy one´s culture and past generations. Also, to look in and back is to heal what at time couldn't be undone and thus to give permission for posterity to be freer and more allowing.

This is why is so important that we don´t remain quite about this subject. That we keep talking about it and create a thorough understanding that a human who knows who he/she is contributes to the world hugely by permitting others to be who they are.

I found my safety with yoga, therapy and healthy conversations with loving people in my life. It all woke me to realize about my own suffocation which was embodied by anxiety periods and a normalized anger which was part of my own identity.

All these tools helped me to be determinant about maturing and taking care of the “ young me “ which was still confused, chaotic and resentful.

This work never ends but we get faster, braver, stronger and more receptive to deal with unavoidable issues which are part of this life. At the same time we get a great amount of clarity which is constantly refining us and making us more sustainable within the human system we are part of.

We can create a great contribution by already showing up and change the depletion of so many envinronments which are dry and flowers are not blooming because they thought they could not.